He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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