the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
