Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
