at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
