She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
