I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize