the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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