Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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