i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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