Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
