ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
