you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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