Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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