Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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