My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
