Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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