I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
