No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
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