Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
