I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
