i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
