Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
