he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
