She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
