i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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