When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
