OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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