all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
