i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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