saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
