i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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