He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
