if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
