So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
