I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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