My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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