just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's never too late to be topless.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
