New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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