the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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