turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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