mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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