i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
