If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
