Don't make out with my wife yet
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
