i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We have started to decorate penises.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
