pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
