i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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