Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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