Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
