Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she peed on how many people?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
