I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
