Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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