i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
