Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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