I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
