i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it glows. i had to have it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Someone came in the potted fern
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