wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
