Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
