Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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