Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
