Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
