In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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