SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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