Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
