I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
