i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
