she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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