After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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