i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
