this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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