best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
