I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
