just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
