Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
