why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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